Going Postal

WE SHIP EXCLUSIVELY WITH THE US POSTAL SERVICE.

PLEASE MAKE SURE YOUR SHIPPING ADDRESS CONFORMS WITH USPS GUIDELINES FOR DELIVERY. Any orders received back to us as undeliverable, for any reason such as incorrect or incomplete addresses, or not responding to notices left by carriers, will be processed as a return, minus the original and return shipping charges, and restocking fees(15%), when they are received back to our Empire of Dirt.

DOMESTIC FIRST CLASS USPS SHIPPING: $4 

  • USPS first class shipping, AKA "snail mail" typically takes 3-5 business days for your order to arrive.
  • First Class orders will be processed as quickly as possible, usually within two business days.

DOMESTIC USPS PRIORITY 3-DAY MAIL: $7

  • Priority 3-day and Priority Express 2-Day Mail orders placed before 11am MST Monday thru Friday go out the same day .
  • Priority 3-DAY Mail envelopes will hold up to 8 pairs and you can expect delivery within 3 days.
  • Priority 3-Day and Priority Express 2-day orders placed on Friday afternoons, weekends, our holiday closure dates (see below) or USPS closure dates will go out by the next USPS business weekday.

DOMESTIC USPS PRIORITY EXPRESS 2-DAY MAIL $23

  • USPS guarantees PRIORITY EXPRESS 2-DAY Mail delivery to certain locations within 2 days. The PRIORITY EXPRESS 2-DAY Mail flat rate envelopes are slightly smaller than Priority 3- DAY Flat Rate Envelopes and hold about 6-7 pairs.
  • You must place your order before 11am MST (Arizona) Monday thru Friday, in order to guarantee PRIORITY EXPRESS 2-DAY MAIL delivery commitments.

SHIP HAPPENS: 

CLOSED DATES

HOLIDAYS:   The Empire of Dirt is closed on Friday afternoons, weekends, USPS closure dates, and the following Holiday schedule:

  • January 17, MLK Day
  • February 20, President's Day
  • May 29, Memorial Day
  • July 4, Independence Day
  • September 4, Labor Day
  • October 9, Columbus Day
  • November 10, Veterans Day
  • Wednesday November 22 at noon, Thursday November 23, Friday November 24Thanksgiving Holiday break
  • Tuesday December 19 at noon through  December 27; shipping will be open December 28 and December 29 until noon;   Winter holiday break
  • Monday January 1;  New Year's holiday  
Other Holiday closure dates will be updated during the calendar year.

DELIVERY, MISSING DELIVERIES, AND TRACKING NUMBERS

Every shipment will receive a tracking number and emailed to you when we ship. This number will tell you that the goddesses dutifully processed your order and took it to the Post Office for it's journey to your dirty little hands. More importantly, this number will tell you when the Dirty Girls were "delivered." If you believe the Tracking Details about the delivery confirmation are in error, please check with your local post office, your local carrier, your neighbors (who think you are buying pornography), your housemates (who think you are buying pornography).
Other than providing you the tracking number and the "delivery confirmation" information associated with your order from the USPS website, we are unable to investigate the whereabouts of your Dirty Girls or your other missing pornography.
Please carefully check your shipping address for typos and missing apartment or suite numbers. Incorrect or incomplete addresses will cause a problem with delivery and may result in your order being sent back to our Empire of Dirt as undeliverable.
Orders received back to the Empire of Dirt as undeliverable will be processed as a return, minus the original and return shipping charges and restocking fee (15%).


CANADA:  Canadian orders will be shipped by First Class International shipping only, starting at $10 for up to 3 pairs.


INTERNATIONAL ORDERS $34:

We offer international orders to certain limited destinations from this site using PRIORITY INTERNATIONAL SHIPPING:   Australia, Belgium, Denmark, Finland, France,  Japan, Netherlands, Norway, Sweden, Switzerland, United Kingdom The flat rate runs about $34 for an envelope that holds up to 8 pairs of Dirty Girls.  Priority International orders are typically delivered within 14 business days, depending on the location.   This is the rate that we get from the USPS.  Please do not send us hate mail complaining about the obscene cost of shipping a 2 ounce item for more than the cost of the item.  If it were up to the goddesses, we would be giving away all the dirty girls, with free shipping, together with a leopard print travel tote with free mascara, lip gloss, moisturizer, and bronzer.  But we can't do that either.  Please send your hate mail to the USPS.    
We also have numerous retailers internationally who can fill your dirty little needs.  Please consider the ULTRAmarathonRunning.com, in particular, since they dish out the dirt to most international destinations.
Canadian orders will be shipped by First Class International shipping only, starting at $10 for up to 3 pairs. 
Your international shipping charges do not include duty, customs tariffs and VAT. These are set by the local government and determined based on a combination of the country of origin or manufacturing of the goods being purchased, and the classification of that merchandise in accordance with a harmonized system adopted and used by the local government. The amount of applicable duty, tariffs and taxes will vary based on the product ordered and the specific rates set by the local government. We have no knowledge of these fees, so please refer to the specific rules and regulations set forth by your country to anticipate any fees that you will be required to pay upon delivery of your order.  You will be responsible for these fees upon delivery of your package.
In order for your package to be delivered, someone must be available to receive your order and to pay any import fees. Please keep this in mind when providing us with a shipping address (this can be a residence or a work address).
We are required by law to accurately report the value and contents of international shipments. We strictly abide by this law; therefore, please do not ask us to undervalue the content on customs declaration forms.

   

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