Going Postal


PLEASE MAKE SURE YOUR SHIPPING ADDRESS CONFORMS WITH USPS GUIDELINES FOR DELIVERY. Any orders received back to us as undeliverable, for any reason such as incorrect or incomplete addresses, or not responding to notices left by carriers, will be processed as a return, minus the original and return shipping charges, and restocking fees(15%), when they are received back to our Empire of Dirt.


  • USPS first class shipping, AKA "snail mail" typically takes 3-5 business days for your order to arrive.
  • First Class orders will be processed as quickly as possible, usually within two business days.


  • Priority 3-day and Priority Express 2-Day Mail orders placed before 10 am MST Monday thru Friday go out the same day .
  • Priority 3-DAY Mail envelopes will hold up to 8 pairs and you can expect delivery within 3 -5 days.
  • Priority 3-Day and Priority Express 2-day orders placed after 10am Friday, weekends, our holiday closure dates (see below) or USPS closure dates will go out by the next USPS business weekday.


  • USPS guarantees PRIORITY EXPRESS 2-DAY Mail delivery to certain locations within 2 days. The PRIORITY EXPRESS 2-DAY Mail flat rate envelopes are slightly smaller than Priority 3- DAY Flat Rate Envelopes and hold about 6-7 pairs.
  • You must place your order before 11am MST (Arizona) Monday thru Friday, in order to guarantee PRIORITY EXPRESS 2-DAY MAIL delivery commitments.



HOLIDAYS:   The Empire of Dirt is closed from 10am Friday,  weekends, USPS closure dates, and the following Holiday schedule:

Monday January 2, New Year's Day
Monday January 16 MLK Day
Monday February 20 Presidents Day
Monday May 29 Memorial Day
Tuesday July 4 Independence Day 
Monday September 4 Labor Day
Monday October 9 Indigenous People's Day
Saturday November 11 Veterans
Thursday-Friday November 23-24 Thanksgiving 
December 22 -January 2  Winter holiday
Other Holiday closure dates will be updated during the calendar year.


Every shipment will receive a tracking number and emailed to you when we ship. This number will tell you that the goddesses dutifully processed your order and took it to the Post Office for it's journey to your dirty little hands. More importantly, this number will tell you when the Dirty Girls were "delivered." If you believe the Tracking Details about the delivery confirmation are in error, please check with your local post office, your local carrier, your neighbors (who think you are buying pornography), your housemates (who think you are buying pornography).
Other than providing you the tracking number and the "delivery confirmation" information associated with your order from the USPS website, we are unable to investigate the whereabouts of your Dirty Girls or your other missing pornography.
Please carefully check your shipping address for typos and missing apartment or suite numbers. Incorrect or incomplete addresses will cause a problem with delivery and may result in your order being sent back to our Empire of Dirt as undeliverable.
Orders received back to the Empire of Dirt as undeliverable will be processed as a return, minus the original and return shipping charges and restocking fee (15%).


CANADA $10 flat rate

Your order gets to the border from USPS within a couple of days, but then you are at the mercy of CANADA POST.  Your order will likely take from two weeks or longer.  Please consider ordering from Distance Runwear in Vancouver for your dirty little needs.    



We offer international orders to certain limited destinations from this site using PRIORITY INTERNATIONAL SHIPPING:   Australia, Belgium, Denmark, Finland, France,  Japan, Netherlands, Norway, Sweden, and Switzerland.    The flat rate runs about $39 for an envelope that holds up to 8 pairs of Dirty Girls.  Priority International orders are experiencing horrific delays due to COVID-19.    Please do not send us hate mail complaining about the DELAYS or the obscene cost of shipping a 2 ounce item for more than the cost of the item.  We charge the rate that the postal service charges and we have no control over the USPS DELAYS.   Please send your hate mail to the USPS.    
We also have numerous retailers internationally who can fill your dirty little needs.  

NEW ZEALAND: Please order by using YOU SHOP: https://www.nzpost.co.nz/tools/youshop


Your international shipping charges do not include duty, customs tariffs and VAT. These are set by the local government and determined based on a combination of the country of origin or manufacturing of the goods being purchased, and the classification of that merchandise in accordance with a harmonized system adopted and used by the local government. The amount of applicable duty, tariffs and taxes will vary based on the product ordered and the specific rates set by the local government. We have no knowledge of these fees, so please refer to the specific rules and regulations set forth by your country to anticipate any fees that you will be required to pay upon delivery of your order.  You will be responsible for these fees upon delivery of your package.
In order for your package to be delivered, someone must be available to receive your order and to pay any import fees. Please keep this in mind when providing us with a shipping address (this can be a residence or a work address).
We are required by law to accurately report the value and contents of international shipments. We strictly abide by this law; therefore, please do not ask us to undervalue the content on customs declaration forms.